feelings of hopelessness

so i know that there are millions of people in the world that are dealing with MUCH more serious situations than i am, refer to my previous blog! However, i need to vent and let out my feelings so here we go...
September of 2007 i had a fall, on some cement stairs, and have since been dealing with knee and back pains. The dr. has decided to focus on my back since that is the worst part. Of course this does nothing for my knee pain, but i agreed that my back would be the first thing to be delt with. So here i sit almost 2 years later and i am no closer to being relieved of my pain than i was when it all began. I have gone through 4 series of physical therapy, massage therapy, mri's, x-rays, and a cortozone shot. The p.t. did nothing at all. The massage therapy helped but only for an hour or two after each session. The x-rays and mris have revealed nothing. A nd the shot made it ten times worse rather than any better. I am so beyond frustrated and i just do not know how much longer i can deal with this. Truely, I just want to be pain free and move on with my life. I am only 25 years old.. and i have to sit and stand and sit and stand like evry few minutes. i can not sleep through the night, even though my kids do. I can not enjoy playing with and holding my babies. I can not do dishes without increasing pain for cryin out loud! Everything i do causes my pain to increase and i am just feeling hopeless. Like i am never going to be able to live life that way i used to. I talked to Eamon last night and told him how i am feeling and he tried to make me feel better, with no luck! The next test i am supposed to be having is an emg. i do not like the way it sounds but I am also to the point that they can do whatever they want as long as they fix me! Oh man oh man oh man. I genuinely need a housekeeper or something to help with my kids and my home, not because it is to much to deal with, just because i can not do it. And the thought of that makes me ill. I have always wondered how people could just allow someone else to love and care for their kids. i want my kids to need me and want me to hold them and hug them and out them to bed and play with them, but i have come to the point that it causes far to much pain to do any of it. Of course there is no one else to do it, Eamon is our "bread winner" and we are in no way wealthy enough to hire help! Oh what to do what to do....
i know i have to "suck it up" and deal with it i just am beyond the point of being able to. And i can not take the pain meds.. they have all either not done anything for the pain or they make me pass out! Yesterday my sweet little Heaven made me smile and cry though. I was sitting up on the couch and my eyes watered up from the pain so i rubbed the tears out and she looked over to me from across the room and said," it's ok mama no cry. it's ok, i'll rub your back!" Like she needs to take care of me and not the other way around! My little nurturer!
Anyways I know there are much more important things in this world than my pain... i just needed to get this out of me to hopefully ease some of my hopeless feelings.... so far it hasn't helped! i just want to be better. Maybe the emg will show what the deal is.....til next time love to all!