pics...

finally we have uploaded all the poics off the camera!

I am going to post a few. As for some breif updates:

The dr. said he is now thinking maybe the mark on heaven's arm is a birthmark but we need to continue to watch it just in case and take her back in again if it grows or gets darker. I think it is a birthmark ... but you never know i guess. She is doing so well with potty training now, i am so so so glad! she still has a few accidents here and there but overall it is moving along much nicer!

Suneet can now say baby... as of yesterday! She talks so much and actually has "real" words. This amazes me! Heaven did have many words early as well... but still i am in awe! She can say mama, dada, papa, baby, kind of says thank you, num num, nummy, good! She also learned the sign for all done this morning! I am going to be working on teaching her the signs for more and all gone. then maybe please and thank you! So we will see how it all goes. I am sure she will get it she is a fast learner!. I just wish she would learn how to STOP climbing on everything. She scares the begezzes out of me! When she holds a baby or a stuffed animal she hugs it. even when she is going to sleep! As of the first, which was her birthday, she has been in a toddler bed! That is going very well. Usually if I ask for a kiss she will give me one! Of course her mouth is open but whatever it is a kiss to her! She is really just such a light in my life as is Heaven of course.

I am so thankful for my two girls and for a wonderful husband. I am still trying to figure out how i have come to be so blessed! Well, i better get going still need to put up some pictures for you all to adore! lol.

just stuff

so again it has been a while... though i am not sure anyone reads these anyways! lol. I have had a very busy week. And i am so glad it is now over!
I had dr. appointments, girls camp.... so much fun... working out, and a great first birthday party for suneet!
so let's start with the dr. i had an emg for my back to see what we could find out. the dr said something about one of the nerves but i will find out for sure the results on thursday when i go back to see my neuro serg.
Girls camp was so much fun. I was able to go up for the girls' testimony meeting on thursday and i was able to talk with them and play ninja( a game the bishop taught us), and just had a great time. I am so thankful that i have been called to serve in the young women's and be able to get to know them. We have such wonderful and amazing young women in our ward and they are the sweetest spirits. I hope that I can be there for them and help to make a difference in their lives.
And now my sweet sweet suneet! Her golden birthday... her first birthday! I cried at the end of the day... my baby is no longer a baby. she is growing up so fast and learning more and more everyday. We had the party at my "families" church. We ate had cake.. made by andra! love ya and can not thank you enough! and we opened gifts. she got so many fun toys and adorable clothes.... thank you thank you thank you all! We got her a gold charm with an s on it and her godparents, jamie and john, got her gold butterfly earrings. They also got her the most adorable jewlery box every. It has cinderella and her castle and the fairy godmother on it! Dr. Suneet Chauhan and his daughter, Kiren, attended which absalutely made my day 100 times better! I was so glad to see them. Of course poor baby suneet was crabby due to not napping well and bein run over buy bigger kids! but as long as she had food in her mouth she was happy! lol... we got updated pictures of them together so i am super happy about that! We still need to take her to jc pennys or walmart to get her birthday pics done to... I love that little girl more than life itself... both of my girls!
As for more info... i am taking both girls to the dr. tomorrow. Suneet gets her 12 mo. shots. And just the rest of her well baby check. Heaven... well, she has this light brownish spot on her forearm and we thought it was a birthmark of some kind.... but last year we showed it to the dr. and he said it didnt look like that to him and told us to keep an eye on it. Unfortunately it has gotten larger and darker so we are taking her in to have him look at it and see what he says. I am hoping and praying that it is nothing to be concerned about so please pray for that with me if you all can. I am sure she will be just fine of course, but prayers are always good to have for reassurance lol! so i will try to post all the results of all the appointments by the end of the week! lots of love to all.... the wisconsin salts!

so again it has been a while but here ya go!
Not any thing much new to report for Eamon.... but he is doing well and he is working hard. The store he is working at is getting prepared to get certified as a training store so things are crazy there. He is ready for it though and excited to see all of their hard work towards this finally pay off!
As for myself.... same old trying to lose weight! lol... never ending story there but i am done nursing now so let us see how this all works out now. And I have been doing a lot of exercising. yesterday i think i pushed WAY to hard though cause today my back is screamin at me. It would be sooooo much easier to do all this exercising and lose weight if my back was not always in pain..... stupid back. It is frustrating for me to deal with that but what ever if i can push through it all then hopefully i will get thinner and maybe it will help the back pain a little. though if it is the si joint it will not help to much :( Oh well, what are ya going to do right?!
Heaven, oh my sweet Heaven! I hope and pray that as the girls grow up Suneet, and any future children we may have, realize how lucky she/ they are to have such a sweet big sister. I mean this child is 2 years old and she is so loving and careful and nurturing to Suneet! it amazes me every time i see her with Suneet. Don't get me wrong she has her not so nice moments with her to. she has pushed her down and hit her. Never hit her hard enough to make her cry though. But really 99% of the time she is just so sweet to her and you can tell that she loves her and genuinely cares that she is ok and taken care of. And if you ever want a hug.. ahhh! I love her hugs! sometimes she will not give hugs so willingly but Eamon and I pretend to cry about it and she is so concerned that we get even bigger hugs! Just the sweetest little girl, til she is throwin a fit and then i am like ahhhhhhhhhhhh are you kidding me!!!!! And believe me as sweet as she is... she can really scream and be sassy. but if that is my worst complaint i think we are doin ok! She got dora panties to see if it would help her to not have accidents.... my wonderful neighbor and friend suggested it. So we got them and we told her we do not want to pee pee on dora cause it will make her sad and we do not want to make dora sad, right?! she was like yeah no pee pee boots. no boots sad! Yes she calls dora boots. the show is not dora it is boots! she just loves the monkeys in these cartoons! Like Ni HO ki Lan is HO HO a little white monkey. but the show is called ni ho! silly!
Suneet, oh the baby of the bunch. She is going to be one on august 1. I can not believe it has been a year already. she is all over the place. walking and running and bouncing and climbing! This child will be our risk taker and probably take us on many trips to the emergency room! We have that bouncy zebra that you SIT on and bounce and spin... she climbs onto it, sits for a bit and then decides this is not enough fun fro her she needs more excitement; so she climbs to a stand on it keeps her hands on the handle so she is now at a 90 degree angle bouncing and pulling at the handle bars trying to get it to go backwards or up and down whatever. And she gets the biggest smile on her face about it and laughs at us! Crazy kid. she is a lover to though which is great i love to hold her and snuggle with her. She gives hugs to and it is the greatest feeling.. probably cause she is still baby like! She is babbling more and more all the time.. Great two talkers, now they will fight i am sure! lol. I call hugs "loveies" for Sissy(Suneet's nickname for us) not exactly sure why or how it came about but i think it sounds cuter as loveies than hugs! lol. Her golden birthday is going to be a blast we have so many people invited and my sister booked her church's hall( she gets it for free cause she is a member of the church)so we will have tons of space. we are going to have a dinner and cake and we are going to carry on with the first birthday activity that we started with heaven! hand prints with paint! My foster sisters are very talented and so Lynn is making a painting for the occasion and then all of the children at the party will have either pink or purple paint put onto their hands and then they get to put their hand print on the painting! after it dries enough I write the child's name in their print so the girls will have a memory so to speak of who all attended! it is fun!
As for us in general! Eamon and I are celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary on the 23rd. I know that 4 years is still relatively a short time but I am rather proud that we have stuck together through all the ups and downs. Especially now days when so many people just give up before they really even get started! So here's to the past 4 years of being married and the next eternity together! lol! thanks for reading and keeping up with our family! love to all!

just stuff

so it has been a bit since i have posted so here we go ya'll.
I have been up to... well not much really! Just taking care of the girls and slacking on my housework! Amazing how that happens and then you're like what the garbage happened here! Anyways Heaven is getting so grown up and way to fast... her sassyness is driving me crazy! At the same time it is adorable at times. Suneet is almost one which is totally throwing me for a loop. I just feel like she was born only a few months ago! I love her sweet personality so much. She will give you this huge smile with a little twinkle in her eye to go with it! And it amazes me that she is walking all over the place! To think that when Heaven was turning one I was pregnant with Sissy is crazy! I definately want more babies, Eamon wants one like now! I just need to get my back fixed first and lose my 50 pounds! lol... oh what a joy! I do not think I could go through another pregnancy with my back how it is now. Sissy's was hard and it has gotten worse since then so I guess time will tell on that!
I do also still want to be a foster parent and adopt as well, however that will be much farther down the road. Eamon and i both will be in school in the fall and he at least needs to graduate and be employed before we can start all that! I do look forward to it though. I have a bunch of pictures that i will be posting as soon as Eamon finds the cord to the camera! Always leave it to a man to lose things lol!
I took the girls to the parade yesterday and they had so much fun and were so well behaved. I was surprised because it was their nap time and suneet had slept a bit but Heaven is generally super crabby with no nap! I was so proud of my babies! My nephew Andrew, who is the same age as Heaven bit her little arm though! she cried for just a moment and i held her.. then she was fine! poor baby! He always seems to bite her! At easter it was her cheek, christmas it was her hand, i know he bit her another time to though i do not remember where! I wonder why he does that? Heaven has only tried to bite once and it was when we were playing and she got over excited, she did not intend to bite though. Andrew bit sissy's head on christmas day even! hmmm.... Anyways i am gonna end this now I have babies to tend to! love to all!

feelings of hopelessness

so i know that there are millions of people in the world that are dealing with MUCH more serious situations than i am, refer to my previous blog! However, i need to vent and let out my feelings so here we go...
September of 2007 i had a fall, on some cement stairs, and have since been dealing with knee and back pains. The dr. has decided to focus on my back since that is the worst part. Of course this does nothing for my knee pain, but i agreed that my back would be the first thing to be delt with. So here i sit almost 2 years later and i am no closer to being relieved of my pain than i was when it all began. I have gone through 4 series of physical therapy, massage therapy, mri's, x-rays, and a cortozone shot. The p.t. did nothing at all. The massage therapy helped but only for an hour or two after each session. The x-rays and mris have revealed nothing. A nd the shot made it ten times worse rather than any better. I am so beyond frustrated and i just do not know how much longer i can deal with this. Truely, I just want to be pain free and move on with my life. I am only 25 years old.. and i have to sit and stand and sit and stand like evry few minutes. i can not sleep through the night, even though my kids do. I can not enjoy playing with and holding my babies. I can not do dishes without increasing pain for cryin out loud! Everything i do causes my pain to increase and i am just feeling hopeless. Like i am never going to be able to live life that way i used to. I talked to Eamon last night and told him how i am feeling and he tried to make me feel better, with no luck! The next test i am supposed to be having is an emg. i do not like the way it sounds but I am also to the point that they can do whatever they want as long as they fix me! Oh man oh man oh man. I genuinely need a housekeeper or something to help with my kids and my home, not because it is to much to deal with, just because i can not do it. And the thought of that makes me ill. I have always wondered how people could just allow someone else to love and care for their kids. i want my kids to need me and want me to hold them and hug them and out them to bed and play with them, but i have come to the point that it causes far to much pain to do any of it. Of course there is no one else to do it, Eamon is our "bread winner" and we are in no way wealthy enough to hire help! Oh what to do what to do....
i know i have to "suck it up" and deal with it i just am beyond the point of being able to. And i can not take the pain meds.. they have all either not done anything for the pain or they make me pass out! Yesterday my sweet little Heaven made me smile and cry though. I was sitting up on the couch and my eyes watered up from the pain so i rubbed the tears out and she looked over to me from across the room and said," it's ok mama no cry. it's ok, i'll rub your back!" Like she needs to take care of me and not the other way around! My little nurturer!
Anyways I know there are much more important things in this world than my pain... i just needed to get this out of me to hopefully ease some of my hopeless feelings.... so far it hasn't helped! i just want to be better. Maybe the emg will show what the deal is.....til next time love to all!

good friends in need of help....

Dear Friends and Family, As many of you know, Ryan is currently undergoing treatment for T-Cell Lymphoma. His treatment plan looks like it will last anywhere from 4-6 months and maybe longer. With Ryan using all his sick and vacation leave, he will soon have to start using Leave WITHOUT Pay. However, he can receive donated leave from any FEDERAL EMPLOYEE (military, DEA, FBI, VA, EPA, Dept. of Homeland Security/ Justice, etc.) The more donated leave he receives, the longer we can go without having to start Leave Without Pay. Many of you have asked what you can do to help….well, this is what you can do- PLEASE forward this to ANYONE you know (and ask them to forward it on), post the message below on your blogs (and ask friends to post it on THEIR blogs), Facebook etc. I am hoping this will spread like wildfire and that we can get the message out to as many people as possible. You may not know people who work for the Federal Government, but someone you know may know someone who does. So please pass the message along: ***FEDERAL EMPLOYEES- PLEASE DONATE LEAVE TO RYAN HESS*** My name is Margie Hess, my husband Ryan was diagnosed on June 12, 2009 with a rare and aggressive form of Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Since this is an aggressive form of T-Cell Lymphoma, his doctor has put him on an aggressive chemo regimen that will result in him being unable to work for the next 4-6 months and possibly longer. At the time of diagnosis he was finishing up his 1st year as a Podiatry Resident at the V.A. in Tucson, AZ. Ryan is a devoted husband and father of two children, Hallie (5) and Max (2). By the end of this month (June 2009), Ryan will use up the last of his vacation and sick leave and will have to go on unpaid leave. Ryan is the sole provider for our family; I stay at home with both the kids. Without him working we have no income. I need to stay home to help care for him, so I cannot get a job right now, either. As difficult as it is for our family to have to ask for help, we have realized that we must do so at this time. We were told that any federal employee (ie: military, Border Patrol, DEA, FB I, Dept of Justice, EPA etc. EXCEPT Post Office employees) can donate vacation time to be used as sick leave for another Federal employee. We would be so thankful for any number of extra paid days we can accumulate. Thank you so much. How can you help if you ARE a Federal Employee? Go to your HR department and request to donate leave to Ryan Hess who works for the VA. (Your HR person will know the form that needs to be filled out- each Federal agency has their own form to donate leave) Once filled out and signed, the HR person will then need to fax or e-mail the form to: OLIVIA McCLURE - Benefits Specialist (TUCSON V.A.) Phone #: (520) 792-1450 x 6076 Fax # : (520) 629-1849 E-Mail : olivia.mcclure@va.gov ALSO, for those who are federal employees, please print out this message and post it in break/lunch rooms to help get the word out as well as emailing it to co-workers! How to help if you are NOT a Federal Employee: PASS this along to ANYONE and EVERYONE that you know and then ask them to pass the message along. Post it on blogs, Facebook...whatever you can think of. Thanks again everyone- this will help SO much! GO TEAM RYAN HESS!

ahhh the joys of specialists!

so i went and had another mri and some more x rays done on monday. it was great i walked out with the films in my hand and the report being faxed to the dr. problem is i can not get in to see him again til august 6th! i just need some news that all is fixable. like ok here is what is causing the pain and here is how we fix it! easy as pie. of course if things could be this easy it would be someone else's life! and then they do not return phone calls! man i should just get over it and deal with it i know, but it is very difficult to do when the pain is constant and so strong. anyways, as for the girls.. besides the fact that heaven doesn't listen and suneet is clingy and they are both sooooo whinny.. they are great! i need a break though really! they are drivin me nuts! lol... and really like can anyone explain why heaven is suddenly pushing and hitting suneet? she is generally so kind and soft and loving. did i somehow ruin her? we do not spank or hit our kids( sometimes i wish i could get over my hang up and just do it) so why is she doing this? eamon is still working like a dog and we are just truckin along as well as we can with our different situations! we will be celabrating our 4th wedding anniversary in a little under a month! wow! 4 years.... sometimes it seems like yesterday sometimes it seems like 100 years! lol.. i love him so much he is a wonderful man! his dad did a great job with him!
and on top of all of this i am getting ready for a rummage sale this weekend and for sunnet's golden birthday party august 1! i can not believe she is almost 1 already it breaks my heart a little bit that she is growing up. she is a dare devil let me tell ya. she climbs everything! she climbed into her high chair the other day while i was attempting to do some dishes.... she amazes and terrifies me..lol. anyways i will post again soon kids need me now! love ya'll and thanks so much for being interested enough to read about us!